Jokes about car and driving

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"You know," said the lady whose car had run down a man, "you must have been walking very carelessly. I'm a very careful driver. I've been driving a car for seven years."
"Lady, you've got nothing on me, I've been walking for fifty-four years."

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It was raining cats and dogs, but a gallant driver saw a woman alone in the mud trying to change a flat tire, and stopped to help her. He completed the job for her, and, soaked to the skin, said, "There, little lady, that's done!"
"Quiet," she ordered him. "You'll wake up my husband. He's taking a nap in the back seat."

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"But," protested the vacationer, "your advertisement states that the hotel is only five minutes from the station. It took me nearly an hour to reach here."
"Ah," said the boarding-house keeper, "you've been walking. We don't mean pedestrians."

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A motorcycle policeman was about to write up a ticket charging a motorist with speeding, when a woman in the back seat who could restrain herself no longer, began her tirade:
"There! Didn't I tell you to watch out? But you kept right on speeding all the morning, getting out of line, not blowing your horn, passing stop streets and everything else. Didn't I tell you'd get caught? Didn't I? Didn't I?"
"Who is this woman?" asked the officer, with pencil poised.
"My wife," said the motorist grimly.
"Drive on, my friend!" exclaimed the officer, pityingly, as he proceeded to tear up the ticket. "Drive on - and may the Lord have mercy on you!"

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Teacher: Johnny, why are you late for school every morning?
Johnny: Every time I come to the corner a sign says, "School - Go Slow".

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